Because I don’t have enough going on in my life, I’ve decided to go all in and pursue a Master’s Degree…again. This is not to say I already have a Master’s, but to say that I’ve been here before. I’ve been in this place of sweaty-palmed excitement and dizzying overthinking of what my next steps may be. I have held great hope for my personal future and argued it away with my self-destructive over-analysis. Sounds like fun, right? So why not do it again?!
I’m enjoying the certificate class I’m taking now . I’ve learned a lot and, as I hoped, it’s already been incredibly applicable and helpful in my current role. That should be enough for any sane, full-time working, mother. I still can’t believe that statement describes me. I think it’s had the unexpected outcome of rocketing me onto the path I was so nervous to explore to begin with and that’s a very good thing.
I did start a Master’s program many, many moons ago and I left it amidst the drama of my father’s passing. I couldn’t handle staying strong for my mother and being a hot mess twenty-something in central Florida at the same time. Working, crying, partying until your numb and then trying to get seriously focused on a change of career when you’re just really building the first career is a little much. Thank goodness for my hubs, who I had only just met a few months prior to losing my dad and without whom I would probably still be a hot mess in a club somewhere or incredibly sad all the time.
I finished the classes I was taking, barely, though with a 4.0 to show for it, and then I moved out of state for a job and, maybe just a little, to follow my mom away from Florida.
I’m glad I left, but I wish I left with my Master’s. It would have been a Master of Arts in Teaching: Elementary Education. I was going to be an amazing first-grade teacher giving kids a solid foundation to carry them through their school careers and shaping well-rounded world citizens of the future. But I lost my Daddy and that was, too hard for me, even though I promised him I would finish. Yep. Lots of tears on that one.
So it’s only just a little motivated by the ghost of a guilty promise that I pick up the task again. This time, I think I’m more focused on doing something I want to do that aligns with a majority of the skills I had before and also capitalizing on skills I have either developed or enhanced during the 12 more years of work experience I’ve logged since I changed course, which include unemployment and a career change.
I looked at this program a few years ago, when I first got interested in Organizational Development, but it’s changed since then and become even more exciting to me. Now it’s more focused on Corporate and Organizational Communications with several options of focus that include Organizational Development. I can’t tell if my excitement is due to the changes I’ve experienced or the changes that I see in the format and content of this new version of the program. I am very sure that I am motivated by moving forward, not necessarily away from my current employer, but towards some expanded version of the role I have within the organization. I have that same feeling of needing to do this that I had with teaching. The bonus is that it would allow me to blend my love of teaching and writing with my vast toolbox of meeting planning skills. It would also allow me an incredibly diverse range of job titles and roles to choose from. Folks, this may be THE ONE.
I have definitely arrived at the time in my career where I can enjoy some choice and it’s about time I recognized that. I can feel the tipping point and this time, I’m going to push like hell in my chosen direction.
So now I am freaking out as I remember the anxiety that goes along with wanting to do something so badly, but having to wait to find out if I’m allowed to do it. I have written at least three different first drafts of my personal statement and I have told far too many people of my intentions. If I don’t get in, I will ugly cry and hang my head in shame over a few pints of gluten-free ice cream…and maybe some pinot grigio…it pairs nicely with several flavors. At least I will have tried, and honestly, right now that’s almost as scary to me as actually getting in.