Because I don’t have enough going on in my life, I’ve decided to go all in and pursue a Master’s Degree…again. This is not to say I already have a Master’s, but to say that I’ve been here before. I’ve been in this place of sweaty-palmed excitement and dizzying overthinking of what my next steps may be. I have held great hope for my personal future and argued it away with my self-destructive over-analysis. Sounds like fun, right? So why not do it again?!
Waiting for the results of a credential recertification application is a special kind of purgatory. On the one hand, you know you worked hard enough to earn the credential in the first place, but on the other hand, you start to question whether the past few years were actually good enough to pass muster the second time around.
In my storied office worker past, I have held many roles, mostly administrative in nature and all involving helping others. In interviews, my favorite question is usually “What do you like least about your job” or “What do you not like to do?” My answer has held steady for over 15 years with “file.” It’s simple, relatable and though growing increasingly outdated, relevant. I haven’t met anyone who heard me say that and didn’t at least chortle. Honestly, who enjoys filing?
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I have absolutely no life plan. I did at one time, or at least I thought I did. Then life happened, as it turns out, it often does. The resulting spiral of self-doubt, panic and analysis paralysis has lasted almost half my life now. It’s time to figure it out, right? So why can’t I?
I am a fabric addict. Prints and textures call out to me begging me to create something fabulous with them. I tend to lean toward practical, but I do love a good dose of whimsy. I long to sit in my house and just make wonderful silly things I find on Pinterest. I blame my mother. She will tell you this is no surprise…the blaming part, not the addiction part.
So I’m taking a class now. It’s something I’ve started and stopped several times – this new version of me. I’m not entirely sure what I’m working towards, but I know it’s different than what I was and what I am now. I suppose it’s supposed to be a better version of me, but I’m not really sure what would be better or why I need to really be better. I do know that ever since my career hit a huge speed bump – read position elimination at a crucial point in my path – I have been adrift and unsure of almost everything.
Today a bunch of Trader Joe’s Wheat Crisps soaked up my feelings and it felt amazing. It would only have been better had they sidled up to a personal-pan-sized wheel of Brie with some raspberry jam and gone all in.
Work has been rough lately.
Oh, you too? (Hugs)