goldfish underwater

Coming up for Air

Apparently, it’s been almost a year since I started graduate school. I have very little brain left at this point and, in a moment of freedom at 5 AM, which is as late as I can sleep lately, I looked back and realized everything that’s transpired since I started.

It’s amazing I function at all, really. I now live my life in 6-week intensive increments filled with tentative plans and Discussion Board posts. I still work full time, though my role at work has changed significantly, so my day is truly full of work things now and my whole brain is required. By the time I come home, I can barely for coherent thoughts and I constantly worry I’m not paying enough attention to anyone in the house other than the tiny class living in my MacBook.

I am so conditioned to grad school life, that any discussion sends me down a wicked spiral of analysis, opinion generation, and reference searching. “Evidence-based writing is rooted in good writing, and while it is not always necessary to add a citation or footnote for every piece of content, you must know (and prove) where the information they used comes from” (Taparia, 2015, p.2).

I can’t help it…I bleed APA style, y’all.

Each time I send an email, I half expect the recipient to respond with a rubric and comments. “Great email. Solid foundation. Really moved the conversation forward. 10/10.”

In the past year, I may or may not have been aware of, taken part in, orchestrated, and/or achieved the following, in addition to the many, many words I have offered up to professors:

  • Miss O turned 4
  • Family picnic
  • I started in a new role at work
  • I’m a gym person and I have muscles that can be used
  • My cousin got married in Lake Tahoe
  • Miss O started at a new Pre-K
  • 10th wedding anniversary
  • I got a virus burnt off my face
  • I almost solved the Lego accumulation and storage issue
  • Parent Teacher conference for Miss O
  • Star Wars!
  • I got hacked
  • I turned 40
  • My medications got reduced and I’m not a puffy tired mess
  • I almost bought a new MacBook
  • I bought the world’s most comfortable jeans
  • My husband’s birthday (he’s sensitive about numbers)
  • Various holiday festivities

I remember most of them, and my family assures me they happened, even though I’ve barely spoken or written to anyone who’s not grading me on it.

I miss writing for me, and anyone out there who finds joy and humor in my words, but for now, I’ll have to settle for moments in between courses, when Miss O, Hubs and the sun are still asleep. I forgot how peaceful it is here.

One year down, one more to go…


Taparia, N. (September 23,2015). Retrieved from

Seriously, it’s on autopilot at this point…

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