As I sit nursing my annual end of year cold, I realize I haven’t taken any time to sort out what my resolutions might be. Do people still do that? Do we still use the end of one year and the beginning of another to plan our own betterment or has it become too trite? Are we too dismissive of the concept of betterment or are we too lazy to commit to that concept in the first place.

I’m not usually one for resolutions myself. I did try the whole #oneword thing a few years back and it was actually helpful. I am much more aware of what I have and able to calm my rising frustrations by pausing for a moment and reflecting on my current situation with a much more grounded perspective. I don’t think it settled into my core and forever changed me, though.

Resolutions are supposed be something you take seriously. They are firm decisions to do or not do something. The trouble is, I’m not really firm on anything anymore. I definitely take less BS than I used to, but when it comes to commitment, especially to myself, I just can’t seem to get it together.

One of my colleagues tells me this is because I’m a mom and moms are constantly putting their needs aside for others. It’s in our job description. He’s not wrong, which drives me crazy, but it’s not something I can change. I can’t stop going to work or caring for my family just because I want to binge-watch Sabrina one day. Ok, technically I could, but that would not achieve a great outcome in the long run.

Resolutions are geared toward the betterment of oneself so that, in turn, your self becomes a better member of society. That makes it feel very lofty and important, which, when you think about it, it kinda is.

There are numerous health implications to stopping a bad behavior, smoking for example, or starting a good behavior, like exercising. Both impact your health and longevity, improve your ability to interact with family in a positive way and generally improve your mood, ergo, you’re nicer to be around and you live a better life. Jackpot.

These two things are so crazy hard to commit to though! When I smoked, almost a thousand years ago now, I think I quit four or five times before it really stuck. I could care less about the world around me. I just wanted to stop feeling like junk all the time.

Exercising is also crazy hard and even in a work environment that encourages me to go to the gym, with friends, during the day, I still can’t go consistently enough to make it a committed habit. I can think of at least 20 reasons not to go right now and I’m not even healthy enough to think about actually going. It’s like I’m hard wired to think gym = excuse not to go.

As someone who is plagued with numerous chronic illnesses, you’d think taking better care of myself would be more firmly situated at the top of my list each day. It should be. It really should. I felt so much better when I went regularly and I swear my blood tests gave my doctors far more hope. I was also able to spend more time with my family and was a far better mood.

So I guess I need to shrug off the lazy and get down to betterment. I’ll cast my lot in with those hoping to take better care of themselves this year and resolve to go back to the gym more than once or twice in January. I always do better when it’s less about losing weight and more about general health anyway.

Besides, I’d certainly like to be around next year wondering what on earth to choose as a resolution, so I’d better get off my duff and get to work so I can last that long.